the year i lost my joy (and what Endometriosis & Adenomyosis have taught me)

2026 has been a difficult year and I felt like I’d lost my joy. A shit load of drugs, hormones and extreme pain will do that to you. 

The year started with my already painful cycles, from having Adenomyosis, get worse. There was no explanation as to why my symptoms seemed to accelerate almost overnight, other than that I’m entering the age of peri menopause…

After multiple trips to A&E, ultrasounds, an MRI and a CT scan I saw an endometriosis specialist who’s put me on his urgent list for surgery, a laparoscopy with excision to remove suspected endometriosis. I felt relieved after this appointment as I no longer felt dismissed or gaslit like previous trips to hospital. Even though ‘urgent’ is still a 5-7 month wait, it felt like a step in the right direction. I have to take hormones and pain medication to manage my symptoms until then. Even after surgery there’s a 20-40% chance it might grow back and also they can’t remove any adenomyosis without a hysterectomy. So the thought of having surgery knowing that it might grow back is pretty daunting but unfortunately there isn’t a cure (yet). I just want a normal pain free life where I don’t feel and look 6 months pregnant all the time from the inflammation AKA Endo-belly! 

It can be a long, challenging and lonely journey getting a diagnosis for endometriosis/adenomyosis. It’s very hard to find and diagnose without surgery, and getting to this point can take years, sometimes decades for some women. An MRI will pick up deep infiltrating endometriosis, but not necessarily superficial endometriosis. This is really important information to know so you don’t give up after an MRI if you have all the symptoms of Endo or Adeno. 

It’s so important to trust your intuition, you know better than anyone when somethings not right. Whatever is happening with our health we need to advocate for ourselves because no one else will. We know our bodies better than anyone and when something isn’t right, even when your scans come back all clear, you need to keep persisting. You have every right to ask for a second opinion.  

I’ve always been one of those people who’s tried not to take painkillers, I’d always opt for the natural option and saw taking regular prescription medication as ‘bad’. I now have a new level of respect for those living in pain. Of course you don’t want to take every drug under the sun and who would willingly sign up to some of those awful side effects, but when the pain is crippling you and you can’t even stand up you’ll take whatever you can get. I was suddenly popping all the pills and dismissing all my natural options. There were a few days when only a morphine IV would help the pain. After being discharged from hospital I was surviving on four Tramadol per day, a strong opioid that your body becomes addicted to quite quickly and the withdrawal effects are pretty gruelling. I certainly feel more empathetic towards those that have no choice to but to take regular medication. 

I feel humbled and in a strange way grateful for the pain. It’s a great teacher. The pain doesn’t allow for distractions. There is no past, no future, only the present. All you can do is to surrender to your body’s natural intelligence and allow your breath to take over. 

Will I still be using holistic practices to support myself, absolutely. Sound, movement and breathwork are my medicine. I usually throw everything at a problem, it’s not always the best solution, but it’s how I feel more control of the situation. I’m a huge fan of natural herbs, tinctures, womb healing, acupuncture and homeopathy so I’ll also be continuing to add these pre/post surgery. 

Although this blog has nothing to do with sound meditation, it’s just me behind the brand and I always want to show up authentically. If I can share anything that might help someone else then wonderful. And if not and you got this far then thank you, I appreciate you. 

If you are struggling with any of the issues I’ve mentioned feel free to reach out and I’ll be happy to offer any support that I can. I’m eternally grateful for everyone who’s already reached out to me and offered advice and shared their experience. It’s wonderful to know that you don’t have to do this alone.